The SEMANTIC

Issue 11, wahoo

2009-03-25T23:06:00.001-07:00

HEY EVERYONE:

Next issue is a creative issue! All submissions welcome, nay, encouraged! Please send a piece not exceeding 1000 words to thesemantic@gmail.com before Friday, April 3rd.

Faithful readers,

It struck me a little while ago that this, Issue 11, might be the last ‘regular’ Semantic issue to be published. Next issue, while no less special, will be ‘creative’ to finish up the school year. While this might not be the last Semantic ever, it probably will be. Hopefully I’ll be seeing you guys in a more, um, legitimate capacity next year. WINK.

There are too many people to thank. Obviously The Semantic couldn’t be without its writers. Connor, Casey, Katelyn, Andie (who is now in Korea, or will be when this is published), Patrick x2, Sarah, Carver, Jillian (who faithfully showed up to every meeting), Craig, and somewhere near 30 other people who have all contributed at some point.

Thank you, thank you Hafsah and Louise for photocopying. I fucking hate doing it and I never repaid you with baking. Hopefully these two lines, mass produced, will make you less resentful. Thanks Leo the Librarian. Thanks Lucas of the PP for hating that godawful name and for being a big help when I needed it. Not once did he ‘rat us out to the administration’ or whatever he’s been accused of.

And finally, thanks to whomever put the Semantic links all over the current student pages on the UPEI website. That was unexpected but pretty sweet.

Now: as far as my limited knowledge extends, there will be no deviant newspaper on campus next year. That is a problem! Here is a step-by-step set of instructions for

HOW TO CREATE ONE’S OWN ILLICIT NEWSPAPER

1. Have inexplicably well-read friends with chips on their shoulder (Arts students are best suited: almost all are bitter, some are well-read)

2. Get in with the librarians. They know pretty much everything that goes on in this place and love company! They also know the best backdated Cadres from which to draw inspiration.

3. Pick up a copy of Strunk and White’s Elements of Style to fake-reference in meetings so no one questions your editorial prowess. Pirate (or buy, I guess) a copy of Quark XPress

4. Be willing to invest a godawful amount of time and money into something that only few people will read. Remind yourself daily that some people get paid to do this - bitter helps productivity. Bitter. Helps. Productivity.

5. Print and distribute (with the help of lackies, with any luck) as many copies as possible on a semi-regular basis.

You’ll know you’ve made it when people start calling you the name of your paper. I’m willing to sell The Semantic, but only if you can prove to me a priori that you don’t completely suck. Beware: I’m a skeptic by nature.

Articles:

Student Union Election Coverage:

The Winner

The Everyone Else

An Ethongraphy on Gingers

Picking Brilliant Brains: Dr. Anne Furlong

Trapped with Game Theory

Cold and Wet: The North Lakes

Katharine's Great Geography Lesson

If We Could Talk to the Taliban

UPEISU Election Results

2009-03-19T15:19:00.001-07:00

are HERE

By popular demand!

2009-03-16T17:15:00.000-07:00

Recording in MP3 format of the debate on existence held in MacMillan hall on February 27th.

Dr. Malcolm Murray argues the atheist perspective, Dr. Joe Velaidum, the theist.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

SU Debates

2009-03-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Graciously recorded by the handsome Michael Carver

VP Activity (Shawn Younis, Patrick Callbeck, Mitchell Gallant)

VP Executive (Jarrod Farria, Sarah MacDonald, Cody Clinton, Gavin Hall, Robbie Saada)

President (Ali Fatehi, Nic Frost, Asher Fredericks, Timothy Cullen)

Issue 10

2009-03-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

Will likely take a little while to get the whole thing up, she's a big one this issue.

First, what you came here for:

SU Presidential Candidates stories:

(tackled by Semanticists Andie Bulman, Connor Simpson, and Casey Dorrell)

Timothy Cullen

Ali Fatehi (was sadly unavailable to be interviewed)

Asher Fredericks

Nic Frost

Thieves Burgle the Home of Award-Winning Hobo

Meet Sheep for Wheat

Good Lord: Lots of People Attend God Debate

Keep It Fuckin' Evil: Buried Inside Interview Pt 1

Jigger's: An Early Review

Bill O'Reilly's Blacklisted Fairy Tales

Beatrix Potter by Chuck Palahniuk (By Patrick Weeks)

Patio Vs. Carver: Election Edition

Picking Brilliant Brains: Dr. Malcolm Murray

Entire Issue in PDF (compressed with .rar)

Issue 9

2009-02-23T14:58:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone,
I hope to put up the text asap, but here's the PDF version. Enjoy!

Issue 9 PDF (In .rar)

UPEISU: The Only Frat House In Town

I’m not really one for student politics. You, gentle readers, were probably wondering, with my charisma and social skills, why I’d opt to start a renegade newspaper rather than battling it out every second Sunday with those just as stoked about student reform as myself. Truth is, I’ve seen them as irrelevant and kind of a dog and pony show until, possibly, university. As opposed to my high school, and possibly my junior high school, student politics can do more than possibly donate a water fountain: they just don’t.

But before you read on, it’s not always their fault.

Our student union is fundamentally flawed in three important ways:

1. Student Union is the only group that cares about Student Union.
2. Student Union is mostly made up of friends. It’s not worth faulting them for this, friendships develop.
3. Student Union is changed every year. If they weren’t, then they would become stale.

Complaints of corruption within the union are rampant, and hey, they’re probably right. But what qualifies as corruption among friends is entirely different - if you asked any of them whether slight breaches of their constitution imply corruption, you’d be apt to get a shrug and a ‘C’mon! Not a big deal!’ reaction. Similarly, near the end of every year, many counsellors are up for impeachement for missing meetings. Miss three in a row or four in total, and there will be a motion for your impeachment. No counsellors are ever actually impeached though, regardless of whether it’s deserved. Why would you impeach your friends? The truth of the matter though, however bitchy I may sound, is that frankly, these meetings are biweekly. That does not change. There’s really no excuse for missing four meetings out of, what, twelve all year? The Semantic is biweekly and has missed but one, due to debilitating illness on behalf of virtually all the staff. It’s hard to get excited about student politics when the politicians themselves aren’t stoked to be there. How can they effectively bitch about voter apathy when half the union itself is apathetic? Hypocritical and corrupt, how charming.
Also, student union gets a hefty 20% of the university budget and at the end of every year, it seems like students ask where it goes. Obvious answers are obvious: paying staff, newspaper upkeep (though not this one!), keeping The Wave afloat, and various administrative details. Still, there are always complaints of nothing really being done. I question how anyone could expect things to get done. Most presidents have only a year term to create a magnum opus, something for which to be remembered: they just don’t have enough time before there’s a complete rehaul of the executive, typically on a campaign of change and innovation - none of which actually comes to fruitation.
On one hand, I’m an ass for being accusatory to people who work for nothing (save the exec) on behalf of students. On that same hand, there are lots of extremely talented, dedicated, and passionate people on counsel. To reiterate, it’s the system rather than the people that is fundamentally flawed. But on the other hand, there are people who sit around the table who really have no idea who they are or what they stand for - if, indeed, they stand for anything. They aren’t doing me a disservice, as I never put much stock in them anyhow. They’re disservicing their peers, who seek a less-shitty reputation. Hope you enjoy your banquet.

KM

Issue Eight, after a little ado

2009-01-27T21:45:00.000-08:00

Hi, people of the internet,

I bashfully present (most of) Issue 8. Missing, sadly, from the pdf is a very hilarious last page, the cover page, and the actually editorial page. There were printer, quark, adobe, gmail, and pdf merger issues. Most issues were significant. I know, you're saying to yourself - all the work of that very attractive editor, lost into obscurity, except for the reference issue at Robertson. I also feel your pain. We'll move on together.

In the meantime, our best issue so far:

In PDF

News and More:
Ode to Charlottetown Nightlife
Patio vs. Carver
Student Trivia Team Victorious!
Five Sites for Easy Music
Live Blog of Obama's Inauguration
Inauguration pt. 2
What Craig St. Jean is Eating
Comics by Sean Skerry

Letters to the Editor:
Arts Cuts Infuriating
Re: The Discovery of Childhood Obesity
CSJ Offends (He is Gleeful)

Reviews:
Postmodern Reviews: Movies that Have Not Yet Happened
The Decemberists' Always a Bridesmaid

UPEI and the War on Academia

There's a terrifying trend in the finance department of UPEI. It's looking more and more like the most fundamental parts of education are being cut to save money"

The recent decision to slash the arts will lead to both fewer special interest topics and fewer sessional teachers. Students in the political studies department have suffered an even harsher blow. No new staff are being integrated into the faculty, despite desperate need for more professors in the discipline in the wake of one professor's recent retirement.

Last issue, when I was researching what students liked best about UPEI, it struck me that the general consensus about what makes UPEI so great is the professors. Not a single person looked me in the eyes and said, "Well, Kate, I love UPEI because of the big fence that was recently built around campus. I hear it was very expensive!". Nobody thoughtfully paused for a moment and said, "Ah, the food in Wanda Wyatt is good, but what I really dig are the new leather couches in the business building!" Nah, pretty much everyone primarily mentioned their love for the profs. I'm no exception. The Semantic was born in September because a lot of us were afraid that The Cadre wouldn't reappear. We were afraid we'd have no forum to vent our frustration that our favourite professor, Neil Cruickshank, was not being offered a tenure track position at the university because of, among other reasons, a grudge between the administration and the political studies faculty. There was internal debate over what to do-- our profs, notably, held us back from any real action-- but it was assumed that another tenured track position would be established and we had hoped Cruickshank would reapply. We didn't want to squash his chances in re-application by making a big fuss. But now, oh, but now! The poli sci faculty cannot effectively function without a fourth prof. As it stands now, students cannot take courses in International Relations (which, come on, is easily the most fascinating branch of poli sci) in a level above 2nd year. This is akin to UPEI cutting out plant biology and still trying to offer a competitive biology degree: it's damn near impossible to compete with bigger universities. As a transfer student, I left my reputable university to come home and enjoy the intimate atmosphere, while retaining the pursuit of some sort of quality education. UPEI has let me down. At least I saved money, right?

At any rate, there's something inherently wrong with cutting profs from the department that spends most of its time studying revolutions. Students pay tuition for education, not copper buildings. Students love UPEI for the faculty. Students deserve their money's worth. The best business decision to make in a recession is not one that pisses off the customers and overworks the staff. Remember that, UPEI.

KM

It's Not A Bad Thing To Get Professional

2009-01-17T16:49:00.000-08:00

Barring annoying resolutionaries at the gym, New Years has always been a time of rebirth, excitement, and obscene alcoholism.
This year, this year is no different. The Semantic has large, non-descript plans for 2009. Hopefully, you will like our large, non-descript plans, but if you don’t, we’re banking on a bailout. We figure that if the porn industry warrants one, we most definitely deserve a break. Who needs grad school when one can amass money courtesy of the tax payers?

Not I, says the philosophy major. Not I.

Speaking of world institutions collapsing, I urge every single one of you, readers, to educate yourselves on the brutal happenings in the Middle East. Sarcastic tone aside, the conflict between Israel and Palestine has grown continually more barbaric - and there’s no end in sight. In the past 15 days, 875 Palestinians have been killed, 3695 injured - and those are the ones that are reported. Massive bloodshed in the Middle East, a failing economic order, and the problems left by the Bush government put a preemptive damper on 2009. It’s imperative that we call for peace via any means we have. That, or we count the days it takes for the world to blow itself up.

Yours til then,

KM

Issue 7:
Patio Vs. Carver
Cheap and Easy: The Green Way
Reunion Tour for UPEI?
UPEI and the Macleans Article
Tipping and Students
Don't Write in my Honesty Box
Library Science Powers Up

Reviews:
Andrew Bird
Ladyhawke
Ghost Town
What CSJ is Eating

Entire issue in .pdf

+1 expansion and creativity, +4 mobility

2008-11-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

People of the internet,

The Semantic wants to reach out to all its readership. All of you, no matter how infrequent, matter to us. And our writers are prolific. And none of us want to write term papers. People of the internet, you mirror that sentiment. This is why we get along.

So this is our proposition:
-We're going to do more reviews and more creative stuff that might not be featured in hard copies of The Semantic.
-The creative content will be posted on new website, The Syntactic (get it?)
-You're going to read it and love it

Now, if you would like to have your creative writing published in The Syntactic, please contact myself (ke.mckenna@gmail.com). There is a decent probability that a Syntactic will be printed quarterly and distributed on PEI.

Edit// All back issues are up! Kindly comment if they don't work.

Issue Six: Another Triumph

2008-11-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone, you'll be pleased to see I updated the blog (that's two issues in a row!) with the content of the most recent Semantic.

This issue is completely creative, fictional content. You'll see it there, waiting to be clicked on, in the sidebar. We thank all contributors, and congratulate them all on excellent submissions.

Also, we're done for 2008. See you in 2009!

Righto

2008-10-30T14:11:00.000-07:00

Issue 5 in PDF - http://www.sendspace.com/file/3qghd9

Cheap Gimmicks and (finally) More Content

2008-10-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

Daisy and me, I’m pretty sure we were conceived at the exact same moment. It was probably Sunday afternoon, probably around 3pm, when my parents were sick of housework and hers were at some exotic hippie convention. It was exactly nine months before I was born, and eight months and twenty-seven days from her birth. It’s the only explanation I can muster for how two people could be so in sync sometimes.
Me and Daisy, we’ll walk around the market every Wednesday. She’ll pack us both a lunch (veggies, mostly, for her, tuna for me. She hates tuna, but keeps some on hand for me.) And we’ll stroll around pretending to buy shit. I know - and she knows I know - that she just likes having a boy to tote around town. And even though we’re not dating, and will never date, we both know her misplaced affection is beneficial for us both. I’d feel badly about it, but I know she gets as much from it as I do. And I’m not a complete ass, on occasion, I’ll do what she wants, pull out her chair for her overlarge ass to challenge, take off her coat, open the door for her . . .

I mean, it’s a fucked up situation. We don’t really have each other, but we don’t really have no one either. Straddling the crevice in between isn’t easy, but it’s better than being on either side. She claims she is better alone, I claim she’s wrong. When she says shit like that, I dunno, I can’t help but be a little offended - as though I don’t know her well enough to know better. Sometimes we get really drunk and lie down, and she tells me all the secrets she knows, but it’s not a big deal. She doesn’t always remember and I don’t have anyone to tell.

Daisy and me, I can’t tell for sure when we were conceived, but I think that is okay because we are both here.

The Semantic encourages you to submit for the upcoming creative issue. There is meager monetary compensation, but mostly, you get your name in print. Submissions can be sent to thesemantic@gmail.com, and while we do not really have any limitations, it is unlikely we will print anything longer than 2000 words. No prior experience nor talent is necessary (clearly).

Submissions are due before Wednesday, November 5th.

True Love Waits

2008-10-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, I suck.

If you want to see the third issue, you'll probably have to wait till I have lots of spare time (like next summer) or go to the library and look at the archived sections.

New issue out Tuesday! Probably won't make it to the internet!

There is a third issue

2008-09-30T05:19:00.000-07:00

And it will be up soon, but not today, and possibly not tomorrow.

why?
Mostly my own disorganization, tests and the like. I took last weekend off to visit friends. If you are my profs, feel free to give me extensions.

Issue two, I choose you!

2008-09-20T09:50:00.001-07:00

Truthfully, I would prefer not to have this on blogger. Or really, on any internet site that isn't especially catered to my very specific artistic whims. Sadly, I have no design talent, nor do I have any html talent. And no amount of illegal software is going to help in that regard :(

Though we recently received funding, only 500 copies of each (of the first two) Semantic were distributed - so, I copied and pasted the text here for the curious. Don't expect this to be updated on a regular, or even semi-regular basis. Channeling my inner artiste, or perhaps snob, I don't really feel like it's an accurate representation of a newspaper whose charm is reliant mostly on the little things - the little things that do not transfer to the internet well. So don't judge, motherfuckers.

Your grumpy editor,

Kate

hi

2008-09-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

By popular demand, and questionable printing budget, The Semantic is making its way to the internet in the only way I know how - BLOGGER!